a lonely time for a little boy

it was heartbreaking to drop noah off at school today. it's not that he cries and refuses to go. he's always game for school. any kind of school. he walks in to whatever classroom with a smile and waves goodbye as long as there are toys and food is promised at some point. but he's certainly experiencing something quite different than at his preschool in hawaii.

when i asked him yesterday what he talks with his friends at school about on our way home in the car, there was a bit of silence and then he said "mommy, my new friends don't talk."

it's kind of funny because from his point of view, because they aren't speaking english, they are therefore unable to talk. but it was mostly sad for me. the statement came after i tried sneaking up on him on the playground because i wanted to observe him for a bit before i called out to him. while i was peeking around a corner, a little girl saw me, ran over to noah and ratted me out to noah. noah looked at her and didn't even wait for her to finish talking before looking away to continue to play whatever game he was playing alone. she kept tapping him and pointing in my direction saying "ummah, juh gi issuh!" (mommy is over there), but he acted like he was deaf or something. and this from a boy who was constantly surrounded by little friends, and claimed to have two or three best friends at all times......it was so sad. and amazing. until he started at his last school at two and a half, he was speaking mostly korean with me. i can't believe he lost it so completely, so quickly.

then it brought back memories of what it was like for me. when i started preschool, i could only speak and understand korean. i remember the shock on the first day of preschool. i was so excited to finally get to go to school too. but then the teacher leaned down and spoke some gibberish. i freaked. i couldn't believe my parents were going to abandon me with people who didn't know how to speak. but they did. and i remember the loneliness that followed. for months, i guess i didn't speak at school. the teachers held a conference and i think i was sent for a speech evaluation. i remember, sitting there not knowing what was going on, making up my own stories in my head for what everyone must be saying. then my memory skips over to me understanding and speaking english like everyone else. so i know he'll come out of this ok. i just hate that it's hard for him right now.

but he's a trooper. he hasn't really complained. he hasn't been acting out as much as i thought he would. but when he's at home, watch out. ALL he does is talk. it's like he saves everything up that he wants to say and says them in the hours that he's with me. sometimes it's just too much. but most of the time i try to understand and provide him with lots of convo time to make up for the silence during the rest of the day.

then again, his teachers do speak some english, and my teachers didn't speak any korean. but still. it must be hard for the little thing.

natalie on the other hand has quickly gotten used to being here and has added "hi!" while waving both hands madly to her vocabulary. with a large extended family here, there are lots of people to say HI to. that has been very nice.

captain j is spending his days out in texas getting vaccinated, standing in lines and eating mexican food. he's good, but lonely. especially with the long weekend coming up. he wishes he could come visit us but apparently the small pox vaccine can infect little children and babies with the small pox. that wouldn't be good. shucks.

Day 5