mission: getting back in charge

things haven't been entirely happy happy since we moved in with my folks. there is some happy, but there's some been frustration too.

the frustration mainly comes from my mother and father's consistency in giving in to noah's demands. at first, it was a little extra tv and a little extra candy here and there. but it's been swirling out of control. his bedtime has been getting later and later. and tonight. tonight, the madness finally ended at 10:30 when noah finally closed his eyes after i threatened some huge mmeh mmehs. (uh, that would be spankings for you non korean speakers.) i totally lost my cool and my voice got into that evil guttural pitch as i reached for his pants. that's what finally got him into bed. he was out in mere minutes.

and then i was a heap of tears in a hot shower. the shower so that my parents couldn't hear me. the tears because i made him and myself a promise about 6 months ago to not hit him. i told him that mommy and daddy won't hit him so he shouldn't hit anyone else, and i've kept the promise so far. i'm glad i still kept it in the end. but seriously. i came THIS close.

i was upset with him, but i was also upset with my parents and uber upset at myself for letting it get this far. his schedule at home was down to bed by 8 at the latest, up around 6. a nap around 12. his bed time has been getting later and later. it all started when i willingly pushed it back to 9 because my parents don't get home from work until 7:30ish. it was fun to have him play with them while i tended to natalie. then he discovered that halbee's computer has games on it. groan.

he's had minimum exposure to video/computer games so far because i knew he'd like them. but i couldn't ignore the interest he had in computers. he was loading the dvd player on his own at one and a half for goodness sakes. so one evening i took his little hand, held it over the mouse and showed him how to point and click. he was hooked. but it was ok. i was able to keep it under control. we played things only on nickjr and playhouse disney sites, and only on weekends when the days alone with him got too long. it was a HUGE treat.

so just imagine the crazy happiness my son experienced when he discovered that his halbee let him play if he just whined loud enough while mommy was busy with baby. yah. and then imagine the kicking and screaming when i tear him away from the computer desk as halbee or halmee says "just one more game!" to me because they don't want to see their dear one cry. and then tonight, after i pulled him away and washed him and brushed his teeth and put on his jammies and sent him on his way to pick out two books to read before bed, imagine my horror when i go to look for him 10 minutes later and find him in front of halmee's tv watching the little einsteins. livid.

that was at 10. at 10:30 he was still tossing and turning, complaining and whining. trying to make deals. crying. THAT my friends, is when the crazy mmeh mmeh monster came out.

it is not continuing.

tomorrow, i am waking him around 6, whether he likes it or not. then when he gets home from school, i am going to run him ragged in the back yard, feed him dinner around 6, have him bathed and dressed in jammies by the time halmee and halbee get home. he can pal around with them for a bit, but then his little tush will be in bed by 8, so help me God.

10:30 is a crazy bed time for a kid. and that leaves ME no time at all. that means after getting him from school at 4:30, i've been wrestling with both kids for 6 hours. noah is a ball of energy who talks and talks because he's been silent for most of the day, and natalie is a sticky child who prefers to see the world from somewhere near my chest at all times. that means i haven't had hardly any time to myself all day. that's where the problem is. i wake up with them. i get noah to school, but i have natalie sticking to me all day unless she takes a nap. during the nap i do laundry, make dinner, clean and pick up the house, shop, basically do whatever i can't do while holding her in a carrier. she's up before i know it and we're rolling around on the ground together learning things, or i'm nursing her or feeding her until i go to get noah. and then, when my parents get home, they're tired and hungry. they eat, they clean up and they want to relax. i know why they want peace. and right now, the only way they can spend time with their noisy energetic grandson is to allow him what he wants. it'll only get worse and worse, but i understand why they do it. i don't blame them. they are not his parents. they shouldn't have to parent him. it's my job. and it's been hard to get in the middle and unpromise something they've promised them. that doesn't work. it just leaves everyone feeling crummy.

there will be some grumbling that they don't get to see much of him after being away from him all day. but, i will remind them that they can actually have time to relax at the end of the day and i think they'll see my view of things. i really think with tight control and planning out his activity while he's with halmee and halbee during weekday evenings is the ticket.

at least that's the plan. because ummah needs to get happy again.

Day 12