year of baking: cancelled :(

i hang my head in shame and have to report that the year of baking has been called off.  boo.  my parents have kindly requested that i stop.  my mom doesn't like all the extra stuff starting to clutter up her kitchen, and my dad doesn't want to be forced to taste my attempts anymore.  although they are occasionally tasty, he says that paris baguette and cake house nearby do a much better job.  i agree.

i hang my head in shame because i sound like some kid under the rule of her parents and it may sound pathetic to other people that i give something up just because my parents ask me to.  but i have a very friendly relationship with them, were we converse, jest and encourage.  they didn't ask me to put aside my barely begun hobby lightly.  it's just not the right time now.  their house was already cramped with stuff and i was having a hard time finding a place to store the flour, measuring cups and large tubs of yogurt anyway.  and i do have to admit that time is tight for me.  i don't have as much time as i thought i would.

as lovely and helpful as my parents are, i am finally comprehending that i am a single parent for the duration of captain j's deployment.  all responsibilities of discipline and care fall on me.  my parents help out with baths and take them on short outings, but there's a distinct burden i can't name that is all mine.  and that translates into less time.  plus, i have to remember that my parents had a life before we came here.  i can't expect them to stop all other activities and relationships because we're here.  with captain j, we ARE his life.  i do expect us to come first.  he's a partner that i can count on.  my parents however, are the God sent helpers i don't want to smother.

that means i have been baking either with the stress of keeping noah controlled around lots of ingredients he can make a mess of, which becomes impossible to clean up really without someone else either watching both kids or cleaning up for me, OR i bake late at night when i should be sleeping.  i tell myself i could bake during the day when natalie is asleep, but the laundry, starting dinner, picking up toys, catching up with things online, writing happens and then natalie is up.  baking comes last, and it stresses me out that i can't get to it.  and that really shouldn't stress me out.  so.  i'm done.  no kitchen aid mixer for me.  yet.  instead, i will be down at the bakeries getting fresh things more often.

i still hope to stick with one resolution.  the one about getting rid of the muffin top i have going on.  i'm totally at my goal weight and size.  the only thing bothering me is the bulge that hangs over the top of my pants.  is there no hope?  there has to be a way to at least contain it.  maybe i can use the mixer money on a personal trainer.  

Day 22