a little too close

most of you have probably already read about or heard about the horrible shooting that happened at an army base in iraq that involved a mental health clinic.  kind of like the one captain j works at.  for security purposes, i don't know the actual name of the camp he is at.  i don't know if captain j doesn't want me to know, or if it's an actual military rule, but i just accept that i'm not supposed to know.  

so when i brought cnn up on tuesday and saw what happened, my heart stopped.  i shoved the fear aside and immediately logged onto skype to see if he was there.  and he was.  we talked.  i knew more than him at the time.  he was just hearing about it.  he was in another camp.  we talked about how tragic it was -- how senseless.  we talked about the kids, and what i had planned for the day while he slept over there.  and then we said goodbye, i love you and i hung up.

confident that he was ok, i went about my day.  

the next day, i received a couple of frantic phone calls from relatives who had just heard of what happened.  my phone was low on battery, so i spent the better part of the day without it because i left it charging as i went about my errands.  when i heard the fear and anxiety in their voices, i instantly felt horrible.  i should have thought beyond myself.  i should have known that people would worry.

you learn something new all the time.  and the lesson this time was this:  when i know he's safe after hearing something scary in the news, let the people who would want to know, know.

here's what i DON'T want to learn: what it's like to be the wife of one of the unfortunate ones who did die.  i saw that 3 of the coffins had come home yesterday on the news.  it gave me goosebumps to know how close to having that experience be mine was.  my thoughts are with those families as they live through something i hope i never have to.  

Lord, please give them comfort and peace.