excuses, excuses

please excuse my silence online.  i have discovered HOUSE.  and i find him oddly hot. so....that's what i've been doing.  that, and  lots of sudoku.  

i suspect i will look back on this time as the Hump.  captain j has been gone long enough for me to have really settled into my life here.  there seem to be just as many days like the one i'm living now ahead of me as behind me.  i'm not complaining.  there's lots to do and i'm definitely glad i chose to live out this year apart here.  but things are definitely set in a routine and the end seems far off.

even our skype or phone conversations are the same almost everyday.  he wants to know about what i did, i want to know how his days went, and usually the same thing happened today that happened yesterday.  

that's not bad for me.  it's just how it is.  but i think the sameness is getting hard for captain j.  they don't have weekends or days off there, so he does the same thing EVERY SINGLE DAY.  get up, work out, eat, see patients and do paperwork, lunch, see patients and do paperwork, dinner, call/skype family, sleep.

he's due for some r&r septemberish, but i think it's still far enough away that it feels like it will never get here.  and i have this real fear that saying goodbye will be doubly difficult when we say goodbye after such a short trip.  

maybe a disney trip is in order this weekend to shake off whatever this is.

not so tuff

i slept barely 3 hours last night.  this past saturday, i caught a blurb on the news about a rocket or mortar hitting some place in the green zone.  it didn't really bother me.  they didn't exactly say anyone was hurt.  and it was the weekend, meaning i had two little munchkins to entertain all day.

then he didn't call me that day.  which isn't too unusual, except-- well, it is because unless he's away he tries to touch base with me at least once a day, if not more.  on sunday, i logged on at some point after church (um, oh yeah, remember how i said i'm not going to go to church this year?  turns out the pull is amazingly hard to resist and i've found a really great place.  anyway...) and saw that he did try skyping me.  once.  i was relieved, but still this isn't standard behavior.  he usually tries several times in case i couldn't get to the computer fast enough, and then tries my cell in case i'm out.  but he'd only tried once.

i started to get a teensy bit worried.

then monday (yesterday), my phone rings during my one "me time" allotment during the week, which i was spending watching Star Trek (so good).  i hurry out of the theater and i answer.  i recognize the weird number.  it's him.  but when i answer there's only silence on the other end.  then again, he only calls that one time.  he doesn't try again, as i wait patiently with phone in hand in the theater hallway.  i eventually go back into the movie, hoping he'll try again.  there isn't a way for me to call him back. i thought we had a deal.  if i don't pick up the first time, try again.  at least that was the rule so far.

last night, i couldn't stop the anxious thoughts.  what if there's a reason why the calling pattern changed all of a sudden?  and if something happened, i realized suddenly, i wasn't too clear how i would find out.  did someone have my number somewhere?  would someone come to my house?

i tried to fall asleep by consoling myself that no news is actually good news.  i got up to shoot him an email asking him to email me back or call when he can somewhere past midnight.  i finally fell asleep for a few hours around 3.

i woke up this morning sluggish, but made my way to my computer first thing to check my email.  he'd written back.  he says he's fine, that he'll call later.  good. okay then.  

but thinking back on last night, i had to admit that maybe i'm not as strong as i thought i was.  obviously i read too much into those missed calls.

this year can't be over soon enough.

where i've been

i don't know where May or even the first week of June went.  seriously.  it's been kind of crazy around here.  there's been major family drama, each kid has been really sick--twice, we have a family wedding in the works, a family 60th birthday TRIP for my imo (maternal aunt), three different sets of out of town visitors....and other stuff i can't remember.

but i have been around, just not here.  i've been posting here.  

you'll find that it's picture heavy with lots of happy language.  captain j is always asking for pictures, so i thought it might be good to start a new place just for that.  i like to keep things sunny because although captain j does read this site, and therefor would know if things were getting difficult, i think he should feel happy and smile when he sees pictures of his babies.

i do not have plans on abandoning this site.  i did think that i would have more to write, considering that this is a special year and all.  but do you know it's already been SIX MONTHS? and surprisingly, there hasn't been a lot of deep thought about the whole thing on my part.  i'm really just chugging along day to day--once in awhile glancing up at a calendar to take note of how much time has passed.  and i'm happy to report it's passing by faster.